Caveat Emptor!

Buyer Beware!

So far, I love country living! I don't have to put on my pants to go outside and I can sing Afternoon Delight at the top of my lungs without disturbing the neighbors. But there are a few caveats that I must share with those of you who are looking to take the leap into farm-life.

 

No delivery.

You remember those spontaneously lazy nights where you and your significant other both look at each other, beaten, and decide that you are going to order a pizza and veg out in front of the television?  Well that's pretty much over with. Not the lazy nights. I mean, the grass can be mowed tomorrow, right? It's the delivery that gets you. Or rather, doesn't get to you. There is no ordering pizza or Chinese or even munchies from that place open 4:20 pm to 4:20 am. Unless you want to make the 20-minute drive to the closest take out joint, once you are home, what's in the fridge is what you're eating.

 

Bugs, bugs. Lots of bugs.

You don't mind bugs, do you? Because there are a lot of them, most of which you've never seen before.  And they are big! Have you ever seen a dog tick after it's had its fill and has fallen off the dog? I don't recommend you Google it. It's nasty. And huge. And is crawling slowly across the floor.

 

Coyotes will eat your cat.

Now that you live in the country and there are no cars to smash Fluffy or mean kids to tie balloons to Scabs' tail, why not let your precious feline outside once in a while? She has her shots and has been treated for ticks and fleas! Well I guarantee you she has not been treated for predators. If your cat is small, there's a reasonable chance that it will get eaten by an owl. Even if Mr. Whiskers is a huge beast that can pluck the largest raptor out of the air with the greatest of ease, there are coyotes and they have a taste for kitty cat. Not kidding here. They will gang up on and surround Tuxedo. I won't go into details as to how they dispatch with the kitty kitty but let's just say, getting hit by a car is mercy.

 

911 service might take a while.

So how does 911 work, exactly? Well, when you punch in 911, the call goes to the nearest answer point based upon where your phone number originates and they then notify the appropriate agency. So let's say you live in Kansas City, KS where your area code is (913), of course and your prefix is 288. The folks answering your call will route everything to the police station closest to the Kansas Speedway because that's where (913) 288 phone numbers are located. Now let's say you live in an unincorporated township that does not have its own phone service or police. You live closest to one city but your phone service is provided by another. And to top it off, when you plug in your address into a GPS device or Google Maps, it looks at you like a dog hearing a high-pitched squeal. In other words, by the time the call center knows who to contact and the emergency services have decided whether or not you are even within their jurisdiction, you have died from your heart attack, your house has burned down and a group of teenagers have taken your television.

The wisest move in this case is to have the County Sheriff, an ambulance service and the local fire station on speed dial and just forget about 911.

 

Always something to do.

Okay, so this is really not much different than just regular home ownership. There's just more stuff you have to do outside and if you don't like the outdoors, you might not want to move to the country.

Can anyone think of anything else? I'm sure there's more, but these are the big ones!